Tomorrow morning the Allure of the Seas will sail into Fort Lauderdale with its self-referential name (as in I'm Your Allure of the Seas, Baby). Because no one drawn to the ocean would ever book a cruise on a 16-deck ship that contains an amphitheater, cantilevered whirlpools, and a facsimile of Central Park. The whole purpose of Allure of the Seas is to get passengers to forget the sea.

Royal Caribbean really didn't need to go to so much trouble. In the early 90s - long before floating rock climbing walls (what an odd sounding four words) - I went on a cruise in the Caribbean. One evening, standing outside and watching the sunset, I noticed that I was the only spectator. Walking down to my cabin a few minutes later I passed the entrance to the dining room, where couples stood waiting to have their pictures taken in front of a painting of a sunset.

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